The UK is expected to gain over 300 million votes and win the Eurovision song contest by a landslide as Labours Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, volunteers to count the votes.

This is a satire/joke article and is not intended to cause offence or spread misinformation. 

Mrs Abbott, known for her notoriously accurate mathematics has reportedly declared that the United Kingdom has won the Eurovision song contest by 300 Million votes.

Despite the Brexit vote and a sense of disconnection from mainland Europe, it appears that the UK is still in Europes good books.

We interviewed Diane Abbott after she counted all of the votes tirelessly throughout the night, she said: “It’s not a shock to me at all, I knew the UK would surpass 300 million votes, it was just a matter of time.”

“We are now the leading figurehead in Europe”

She added “At first I thought we only got 300,000 votes, so I added a few of extra zeros”

To conclude: “I would like to thank all of the Labour MPs who only earn £8,000 a year but work 24/7 to run the party, we need 10,000 more just like you”

When a recount took place and it was discovered that the UK had actually lost, Diane said she wasn’t one hundred and sixteenthnty billion percent sure of the actual numbers but was confident her counting would prove her right.

This is a satire/joke article and is not intended to cause offence or spread misinformation. 

This is a satire/joke article and is not intended to cause offence or spread misinformation.